By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
I want to share an uplifting story and video that literally made my day. The documentary, called “Alive Inside,” took place in a nursing home and involved an elderly male named Henry who had been a patient there for 10 years. A professional in the video describes Henry, who is in a wheelchair, as “inert, maybe depressed, unresponsive and almost un-alive.” That is, until music comes along, triggering something wonderful in Henry’s brain, altering his demeanor and significantly changing his life.

According to the narrator of the video: “Immediately after putting headphones on his head and starting the music, Henry’s body and mind come alive again. He immediately lights up. His face assumes expression, his eyes open wide, he starts to sing and rock and move his arms, and he’s being animated by the music.”

Before the introduction of the music, Henry was unresponsive, seldom raised his head and almost never interacted with people.

This incredible power that music has really isn’t surprising, as music is said to be the language of our emotions and has been an integral part of the lives of humans since the beginning of time. Many of the memories we have from the past are intimately connected to the music we listened to in our youth.

We use music to calm our nerves, motivate us to exercise, heal our emotional wounds and create precise moods for those special events in our lives. I bet you use music for some specific reason besides simple entertainment. I’m also sure that there’s that one special song that you hear that always takes you back to a special place or time in your past.

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By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
If the unthinkable was to become true today and you learned that you only had three months to live, what would you regret the most about your life and what would you do differently if you had the chance?

I thought about this question as I watched a news story on TV the other day. Even though the story was about death, it was an enlightening and inspirational report about a hospice nurse named Bonnie Ware, who spent time with dying patients during the last 12 weeks of their lives. She even wrote a book about her experiences called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying (Hay House).

Ms. Ware discovered common themes regarding the regrets these people voiced at the end of their lives. Here are her top five, along with a short commentary from her:

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

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By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Q: I’ve been lonely most of my life. I keep my feelings to myself because I’m depressed and embarrassed. Do you have suggestions on how to make social connections and expand my small world?

-Anne F.

A: Hi Anne,

You ask a great question about something that most people find rather easy to do. However, for some, engaging others and making social connections is both terrifying and unnerving. Nevertheless, like most things in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. With that said, let me offer you some simple and fundamental advice that I hope will help to expand your world. It will take a bit of bravery on your part but, if you try this, you may be amazed at what happens, because it holds the potential of changing your life.

I suggest that you view this as the first day of your new life. The first way to begin pushing through your discomfort and breaking free from your lonely existence is found in the power of asking questions. Asking simple open-ended questions (questions that demand more than a “yes or no” answer) is a straightforward and safe way of stepping out of your safety zone by putting the onus of talking on the other person. The second thing that you can do is intimately tied to the first, and that involves being a good listener. You do this by simply giving appropriate feedback as the person answers your question. Learning how to ask open-ended questions while practicing your listening skills will change your interactions with others in a positive, powerful and significant way.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

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